As Your Baby Grows, Is Your Toddler Regressing?

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Your baby demands so much attention that your toddler thinks the only way to get noticed is to act like an infant too. Just when you thought your older child had grown out of nappies and was happy to eat like a grown-up, do you have to resort to spoon-feeding and potty-training again? Don't worry - this annoying stage is perfectly natural and won't last long. TOPIC OF THE MONTH: YOUR OLDER CHILD WANTS TO BE A BABY AGAIN

At the age of 5 months, your little baby is reacting more and more to the environment around her. She’s such a delight to watch. She’s probably turning her head when you call her name and becoming increasingly active whenever she’s awake. This is a time when her attention span is growing, so she may spend a long time exploring a new object or trying to interact with you by smiling and cooing (read about safety tips for exploring the world).

Playing with her feet and knees when she’s in her cot, her energy seems endless, even rather late into the night! And every morning she probably starts by trying out and practising new motor movements as soon as she wakes up. She’s now starting to reach more accurately for objects hanging above her and loves to play with rattles, squeaky rubber toys and gyms. She’s beginning to show a constant eagerness to learn, accompanied by constant calls for your attention.

And, with this increased demand on your time with the baby comes a problem: this may be just the time when your older child feels renewed pangs of jealousy and a desire to compete with his little sister for your sole attention.

If your older child is only about two to three years of age, his complex feelings of sibling rivalry may be even greater because he still feels dependent upon the closeness of his parents. Indeed, even if your older child seemed to be really happy at the thought of having a new baby sister or brother before she was born, the actual presence of the baby in the family and your frequent attention to the little newcomer can be very difficult for him to deal with emotionally. Many young children react to a baby’s arrival by wanting themselves to be a baby again, at least from time to time. But rest assured, this developmental regression is actually a very normal process of readjustment to his new role of being the big brother.

Nonetheless, this is not an easy period for parents to deal with. The older child may suddenly be more demanding, have trouble falling asleep, suddenly have toilet accidents, or throw temper tantrums out of the blue for no apparent reason. He may also lapse into baby talk, want to wear nappies again, and act helplessly about tasks which he had previously already fully mastered.

Remember, though, that as long as his temporary regressions are handled sympathetically and good-naturedly, these behaviours usually disappear within a few months as his drive to continue to develop and grow up outweighs his desire to be a tiny baby again.

Although you can remind your older child of how big, strong and clever he is and how much more he is able to do than his tiny sister, if you were to try to shame him into better behaviour, he is likely to continue his babyish antics for a much longer time.

So, if he is determined to go on acting like a little baby, humour him by agreeing to feed him with a spoon, by carrying him to his room, or by helping him undress and put on his pyjamas. Rock him in your arms like a baby, before putting him into bed and singing him a lullaby.

Never make fun of his behaviour during this difficult period, and rest assured that he’ll soon tire of it all when he realizes that it’s more fun reading a book than listening to a lullaby. Let him choose the moment “to grow up again” and rediscover the joy of games meant for bigger boys.

Not all children show these developmental regressions, however. Some actually show signs of greater maturity when a new sibling arrives and seem to take pride in showing how they can dress themselves and eat unaided. But don’t be fooled by over-enthusiasm for the baby or behaviours that seem to completely ignore the presence of the baby. The older child may be repressing some of his natural feelings of jealousy, so it’s always a good idea to chat to him in a relaxed fashion about how annoying the new baby can be when she takes up so much of mummy’s time. Try to draw him out so that he expresses any inner turmoil that he is feeling.

Above all, when you are nursing the little one, make sure that you have prepared lots of fun activities for the older sibling. Setting up play dough, painting or drawing on a table nearby will usually keep him engrossed for a long time.

Talk to both children, so that the older child feels included in the ongoing activities. It’s also a good idea to help the older child to find a special new role for him to help with his little sister. He could be the one, for instance, to choose a toy for her whenever you finish nursing. Remember that his attachment to the new baby will indeed grow naturally but very slowing over time, as he comes to terms with the conflicts of love and jealousy.

Read more about the importance of play

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Sibling

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attention seeking

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sibling rivalry

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imitation